February 24, 2010

How to Cure a Common Cold (and Make a Lion Jealous)

Dear Nose, Head, Throat, Eye Sockets, Neck, Ears, and the People who Have Them:

I have a message that will save you--turn you from broken to whole. This message is like a brick through a window in rewind.

Yes, my darlings, I can cure you of your congestion, your temporal pressure, your seepage, your self-doubt. Your lack of love, your excess of love. The breath you can't catch at night that wakes you. I can take away all of these pains (well, at least the cold-related ones) and transform them into a herd of deer. Or a flock of seagulls. Or a pride of lions peering back in envy at the majestic beast you have become.

Have you ever felt like a sacred animal? No? Well, what the hell are you waiting for?! I have the power to make you FEEL the Holy Spirit made manifest in your mucus membranes. His Light is alive in every sinus passage everywhere. Even in yours? Yes, even in yours. The message I have to bear just might ignite great Virgin-blue fires on the split ends of your nostril furs.

It's that good.

My message is thus: pour hot water over the following earthly ingredients, allow to steep for 10 minutes, and then sip in a divine fashion until your senses are restored.

2-3 lemon slices
1/4 tsp. red chili powder/crushed dried chilis
1/8 tsp. coriander
1 tbs. honey



PS. This tonic is intended to help you fight a common cold. If it does any of the other shit mentioned above, well then, dude--that's crazy. I'm not the most reliable narrator/apothecary/shaman, so your expectations should be limited.


Breedale said...

What an awesome trick! I like to avoid antihistamines and I bet that will work just as well without drying you out. Where do you get your dried chilies? I need to get some of those!

Jada Ach said...

Hi Bridget! I'll give you a few of the dried chilis I have left. They were harvested, and then dried, by my brother last summer. Otherwise, La Huerta Market on Wrightsville Ave. has a pretty decent selection of dried chilis, too.

Anonymous said...

Oh wow looks great. I think you should brew a big vat of this for Tilikum. Sounds like he's been a little off lately.

Hadley Gets Crafty said...

A. Oh my gosh, it's gorgeous. The yellow and red!
B. I need a shaman.
C. Why didn't you post this earlier, back when I was in the depths of sinus aches and no-voiceness? I will blame you for the prolonged nature of my illness.
D. Aren't you clever to just go make up your own tonics?
E. This sounds like it might have tasted truly horrible.

Jada Ach said...

E: Yes, much drama could have been avoided, eh?

Hadley: It actually doesn't taste nasty at all! The honey, much like a thesis statement, ties all the randomness together. I need a shaman, too. Too bad we don't still live in Flagstaff--shamans grew on trees in those new agey parts!

Anonymous said...

Can I add a litte rum too?? :-))

Jada Ach said...

Of course! Feel free to doctor this recipe up according to your medicinal liquor of choice.